Sex 101
Fighting productively
Ivan Garcia
Issue date: 5/5/09 Section: Viewpoint
Usually when I hear one of these terms, I think of the movie "Fight Club." Yes, indeed my favorite movie in all it's ass kicking glory. Unfortunately, it's not what I'm talking about today.
In a relationship, there are going to be rough waters in a sea of love. But thankfully, you have a lifeboat with multiple relationship shipwreck survival kits (ok, this shipwreck analogy has gone far enough). Long story short, if a relationship is going to last, you're both going to run into some snags that will get on each other's nerves.
The point is to address these issues to each other before they become much bigger problems than they already are.
For example, let's just pretend you and your partner are in a pretty decent relationship and have been happy for a good couple of months. Everything is great but the only problem continues to persist is your partner's consistent use of a word you might not like (example, go with it).
Slowly but surely, they're going to continue to use it while you stay quiet, hence they're going to think it's perfectly fine to use it because he has yet to run into a confrontation about it. Eventually, it'll start to eat away at you until finally the only to stop it is to break up because it has grown into such an ingrained reflex.
The point is to stop this and address it before it destroys your relationship, it's like some kind of Batman complex. Christian Bale thought it'd be great to speak in a gruff, low tone when he ran around in his black leather and cape (…wow, I just made a weird connection) and Katie Holmes (Rachel) didn't seem to much care for it. And (I would assume), that is the reason why Katie Holmes was replaced by Maggie Gyllenhaal.
Chances are she didn't like it much either, and look what happened. She got blown up.
You see, the power of not addressing problems could lead to consequences that might not be too favorable to the partners.
It probably won't cause your partner to be blown up by a clown, but it's an analogy (ok, maybe the Batman reference was a little over the top, but the power of not addressing issues might suck eventually).
The point is to address concerns for the betterment of you and yours. Don't use "you" statements. Example: Well you never take out the trash! If you're going to address an issue that you have, own up to it. Don't blame the other person, talk to them and work together to start a solution and be open to critiques yourself as well.
Remember that it's ok to fight. It's not an unhealthy relationship if y'all have discrepancies once and awhile. Make sure you both are comfortable, happy, and able to express yourselves respectfully.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I think I'm off to go cuddle up with a girl I like and watch everyone's favorite billionaire run around in a tight black crime fighting outfit (It has gadgets! Ok, I'm done with the sexual innuendos).
In a relationship, there are going to be rough waters in a sea of love. But thankfully, you have a lifeboat with multiple relationship shipwreck survival kits (ok, this shipwreck analogy has gone far enough). Long story short, if a relationship is going to last, you're both going to run into some snags that will get on each other's nerves.
The point is to address these issues to each other before they become much bigger problems than they already are.
For example, let's just pretend you and your partner are in a pretty decent relationship and have been happy for a good couple of months. Everything is great but the only problem continues to persist is your partner's consistent use of a word you might not like (example, go with it).
Slowly but surely, they're going to continue to use it while you stay quiet, hence they're going to think it's perfectly fine to use it because he has yet to run into a confrontation about it. Eventually, it'll start to eat away at you until finally the only to stop it is to break up because it has grown into such an ingrained reflex.
The point is to stop this and address it before it destroys your relationship, it's like some kind of Batman complex. Christian Bale thought it'd be great to speak in a gruff, low tone when he ran around in his black leather and cape (…wow, I just made a weird connection) and Katie Holmes (Rachel) didn't seem to much care for it. And (I would assume), that is the reason why Katie Holmes was replaced by Maggie Gyllenhaal.
Chances are she didn't like it much either, and look what happened. She got blown up.
You see, the power of not addressing problems could lead to consequences that might not be too favorable to the partners.
It probably won't cause your partner to be blown up by a clown, but it's an analogy (ok, maybe the Batman reference was a little over the top, but the power of not addressing issues might suck eventually).
The point is to address concerns for the betterment of you and yours. Don't use "you" statements. Example: Well you never take out the trash! If you're going to address an issue that you have, own up to it. Don't blame the other person, talk to them and work together to start a solution and be open to critiques yourself as well.
Remember that it's ok to fight. It's not an unhealthy relationship if y'all have discrepancies once and awhile. Make sure you both are comfortable, happy, and able to express yourselves respectfully.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I think I'm off to go cuddle up with a girl I like and watch everyone's favorite billionaire run around in a tight black crime fighting outfit (It has gadgets! Ok, I'm done with the sexual innuendos).
Viewing Comments 1 - 1 of 1
San Diego Movers
posted 7/03/09 @ 7:34 AM PST
Great advice, good open lines of communication are an integral part of a healthy relationship.
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